someone threw a dead crab at me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
