at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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