If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she smelled like a LAN party
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Randomize
