Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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