She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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