Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
