you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There are leaves in my underwear?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
