I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
