remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize