They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
