Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He's on the porch naked. Help.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
