I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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