you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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