i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
