Cold hands, warm shart.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize