I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
