It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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