I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
