I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize