just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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