One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
