thus making me awesome and them whores
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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