Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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