HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
