i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
