3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
