i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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