i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
