Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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