We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
