just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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