Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
