I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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