Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
