Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
