How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
