dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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