ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
