Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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