he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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