Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
