Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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