i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
