guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
