I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
