I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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