I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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