I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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