They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
