my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
