You're so nebulous sometimes
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
