You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
