dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
