Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
