Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
