The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
