Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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