Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
