How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
