I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
