I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
