i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
