The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
