I'm jealous of your bromance
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
