I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
