I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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