Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
birth control should be required to get into college
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize