I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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