that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize