i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
