I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
