My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
