I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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