Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
