i just wanna soil my oats bro
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
