They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize