you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize