I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
