farters have to be the big spoon...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
