you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
