it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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