DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize