how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
