When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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