U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
then he tried to convert me to islam
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize