trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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