have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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