Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
