New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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