Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize