i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
