If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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