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Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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