If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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