Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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