And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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