how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
