i just wanna soil my oats bro
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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