you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
