Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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