if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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