Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
