He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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