best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
