Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
